May 30, 2012

Out of sync

As many of you know, I took a little vacation to visit my sister in Long Island, NY. It was definitely exciting and adventurous. I am so glad I went...I want to return and see more of what the city has to offer! There is plenty left to discover! We spent a lot of time in the city...  A LOT of walking and A LOT of subway riding...not to mention many steps, up and down in the subway areas.  We left the house each morning around 10am and returned each night around 10pm. We were exhausted, but somehow found the strength to get back up and do it all over again the next day!! Spending the better part of our time in the city, I am happy to say, that I feel a  true appreciation for it.

I learned that, for myself, it took a few hours, on the first day in the city, before I started feeling comfortable.

It was quite the assault to my senses and I was surprised that I felt that way. I am accustomed to rural areas, green and lush, and very quiet.  So, as you can imagine, the constant honking, the sound of car engines, revving and stopping, revving and stopping, the echoing of the "beep, beep, beep" back-up alarm sound on large trucks, jack hammers for construction, ambulance sirens, music, all echoing off of the buildings...also the amount of people...dodging them to your right and left...I always felt like I was in someones way... and the smell of heavenly food drifting from open air restaurants...but then, mixing with the dank, foul smell of the sewers, at the corners of each street...

...that is quite confusing to sensory system in the brain...

It's like, I like it, oh, wait, that's not good, oh man, that smells horrible, wait, something smells fantastic, oh wow, I want to eat that....oh no, wait, oh that's bad, oh that's vomitous....oh hold on, something good is cooking, I must find it...oh no, stop, no.

The bombardment I felt, was overwhelming. I hate to admit it because I don't think of myself as a wimp! And then I start thinking to myself, "and you actually were contemplating going on a mission trip to Cuba???? ya, that makes total sense, you can't even handle a day in New York City, you big baby! ya, great idea, you'd last about 2 minutes!"


My honest feeling of the city, at first, was not good. I was really thinking to myself, I don't like this...and, I don't "get it". That is my most vivid memory of coming up out of the subway smack dab in the middle of Manhattan....very busy, very crammed, and very loud...very assaulting to the senses.

HOWEVER, it wasn't long before I started enjoying myself, finding my rhythm, popping in and out of coffee houses, bakeries, bagel shops, Asian restaurants,

and......EVERYTHING was delicious! I was very surprised!! I did not experience one disappointment from any shop, cafe, or person.  Soon, I started to fall in love...and I "got it". Especially when we started exploring the more residential parts of the city with the brown stones and local neighborhood eateries. I have summed up my trip, in a nutshell...there's lots of details, but I won't bore now know, that I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to the big understand that I want to go back for, I want to tell you about my "out of sync-ness" that followed my trip to New York...and my disappointment that I cannot get out of this funk!

I wonder if anyone can relate to this???

~  * ~  * ~  *

I have been home now for 2 weeks and I am still not really back into my groove. How is that possible? How can a 6 day vacation in the city disrupt my life so much? The first few days back, I kinda did the old "walk in circles" thing....should I do this? should I do that? What bills need paid? Is there any food in the freezer? Should I do some laundry? Should I start dinner now? Should I take a nap? It's so weird how that happens.

Ok, so here's the personal price of going on vacation...let me set the scene.  Before I left for New York, I had been in a blissful state of euphoria. It was good! The earth was blossoming with green-ness!!  Wild flowers were plentiful and speckled the field behind our house. The hens were laying abundantly, the quail were beginning to plump up and grow feathers. We were experiencing a plethora of birds every morning, singing and flitting about, more than we had ever been privy to!

I was feeling very excited and homey and lovey dovey about my recent purchase of canning supplies and learning how to can and preserve locally grown fruits and vegetables this summer. I guess you could say I was feeling a great connection to the earth and what it gives us and how it nourishes and nurtures us.

Also, I was reading the Bible every night before bed, and every morning...specifically setting aside time {I have a new study Bible} I was absorbing  it and learning a lot. It was definitely bringing a lot of peace and clarity into my life, and I was appreciative. I felt very content. I was beginning to feel more humble and less judging. I was understanding where it is that God wants me right now, asking Him for His will, every day, and really, truly meaning it.

I am telling you.... I was in sync!!!


It's all gone now.

I am trying to get it back, but I can't quite catch that swinging's just out of reach, it keeps swinging back towards me, I reach for it, but I can't grasp it... and I feel yick! I think I feel "yick",  but I'm not sure...cause I can't describe it.

I know I will get it back, I know it.

The peace is in me, I just have to tap into it again.

I want it back.

I want that feeling back again.

In sync.

Sympatico with God and nature.

My goodness, it was a wonderful high.

I've experienced it before, and I will experience it again...I just got bumped off the familiar path a little.

Funny thing is, I had a feeling this would happen.

I just had a feeling... a feeling that by leaving this place, home, my children and husband... it would disrupt the natural flow of my life....... and the peace I was feeling would to drift away, like a silk scarf slipping from my neck, slowly at first, but then lifted on a summer breeze, to be quickly carried away..... out of reach and out of sight.

Yes, poetic, I know...but that is how I tend to see everything.

Even though I was so excited to go to Long Island and New York City, I must admit, there was a part of me that didn't want to go anymore....because I knew the price.


Truly, I must keep this in perspective's not as if my world would end...I am not THAT dramatic.

So, guess what?

Just about the time I get back to sympatico with God and nature....

{and I will...}

in  2 weeks....

my hubby and I are packing up the kids and heading out on a  family vacation to Cape Cod for a week.

Can you say disruption, folks?


Oh man, too funny!

I remain positive about it though...I know that God uses all for His purpose... for His plan for my life. I wonder what this recession in my psyche means??

What does He want me to learn from this?

I never doubt there is a lesson in everything.

Let me say this about our upcoming vacation to Cape Cod!!! I am SOOO looking forward to it! So are my hubby and our children!  This is going to be a very relaxed, very beautiful vacation. We're camping and riding our bikes to the beach....oh ya, and eating plenty of lobster rolls, clam chowder and fried clams. We have a day trip to Martha's Vineyard planned as well as an afternoon cruise on a beautiful sailboat.  If anything, sitting on the beautiful beaches of Cape Cod, and breathing in all that fresh ocean air, listening to the rhythmic lull ocean and the cry of sea gulls...that will definitely bring about a peaceful mind and attitude!
In the meantime, I will get back to my Bible study...cause I have gotten away from it!!! I know, I know!

Happy summer!


  1. Sounds like you had one of those "life changing" times. Like buying your first house, or going off to college or falling in love for the first time. It's like a shift in look at everything differently. So you have to adjust, incorporate your experience into yourself. That's I'm getting up out of my amateur psychiatry armchair. :)

  2. I think it's just another part of finding ourselves. .your funk, I mean. I know that when I experienced the city I LOVED it. .L-O-V-E-D it!! I think I could have totally gotten used to it. .BUT. .I had to sit myself down and remember that it was vacation. .hoity-toity style. .the city is SOO different from rural, and that makes it exciting and like "what do they have that I am missing??" The new would wear off. .and probably it wouldn't be so enticing after a while. .and expensive!! Yikes! I have been twice now, and I fully intend on collecting my sister, mom, and SIL's for a girls trip. I think I could get around ok, and I still have a lot of things I would like to see too. Enjoy your trip to Cape Cod. .that is on my bucket list of places to see too!!

  3. Sounds to me to like Cape Cod is just what's needed! Ha ha! It may be a bit more relaxing. The city is no place for me. Fun to visit but to fast pace for this girl. Your post was a blast to read! Lol!